Webinars – The HEAL Project

webinars

Sexy Survivor: Men and Masculine+ Edition

Thank you for donating! You can now view the recording here. In the video description, we also have for you:

Please take a few minutes to make tax-deductible donation of at least $25 before viewing this recording. If you are low-income, please donate what you can afford. Please return to this page after your donation.

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An off-white graphic with gray and pink text on the top that reads, “No survivor should experience isolation while healing.” Underneath this, there are pink and blue alternating circles. Underneath this, there are two photographs on the left side surrounded by a blue and black paint stroke. The first photograph is of Ignacio Rivera. Ignacio is a caramel skin, AFAB, gender fluid, Black-Latinx- Indigenous being. They have very short dark brown hair. They are wearing a red and black dress with a diagonal line pattern. They have red colored glasses and dark brown eyes. They have a septum piercing and nose ring on the right side. They have a tattoo on their chin, starting at the bottom of their lower lip —a red strip that turns black under the chin and reaches their neck-dent. A spider is at the end of the black line inside the neck-dent. They have a chest tattoo that says “Fluid” and several other arm and finger tattoos. Underneath their image, there is a blue circle with white text that reads, “Ignacio Rivera.” The second photograph is of Aredvi Azad. Aredvi is a genderfluid Irani-American immigrant. They have short dark brown hair. They are wearing stud earrings, a septum ring, and black framed glasses. They have a brown mole on their right cheek and have a small beard. They have a grey jacket on and are standing against a blurred background with a large house plant. Underneath their image, there is a blue circle with white text that reads, “Aredvi Azad.” On the right side, there is gray, blue, and pink text that reads, “Sexy Survivor, Men & Masculine+ Edition, Dec 3, 2021, 2021, 1-3 PM EST, Register @ heal2end.org/ss.” Next to Sexy, there are three pink and black stars. Underneath this, there are blue and pink alternating circles. In the bottom left corner, there is black text that reads, “@heal2end.”

On Friday, December 3, 2021, we offered a special webinar version of Sexy Survivor for Men & Masculine+ folks. This is the recording of the program with Closed Captions.

When we think about survivorship and who deserves healing, men and masculine+ survivors are too often left out of the conversation. So we are offering a Sexy Survivor to uplift the experiences and voices of men and masculine+ folks.

Sexy Survivor is a decade-old trauma healing space empowering survivors to reclaim their sexual lives. We will share stories, offer tools for expanding our horizons around sexual healing, and discuss strategies for crafting a healing journey that works for you.

Where The Line Resides: Surviving The Cycle of Sexual Harm

Please take a few minutes to make tax-deductible donation of at least $15 before viewing this recording. If you are low-income, please donate what you can afford. Please return to this page after your donation.

Donate

Thank you for donating! You can now view the recording here. In the video description, we also have for you:

An off-white graphic with black and blue text that reads, “We all need healing from suffering harm. We all need healing from causing harm.” Underneath this, there are blue and gray alternating circles. Underneath this, there are two photographs on the left side surrounded by a blue and black paint stroke. The first photograph is of Ignacio Rivera. Ignacio is a caramel skin, AFAB, gender fluid, Black-Latinx- Indigenous being. They have very short dark brown hair. They are wearing a red and black dress with a diagonal line pattern. They have red colored glasses and dark brown eyes. They have a septum piercing and nose ring on the right side. They have a tattoo on their chin, starting at the bottom of their lower lip —a red strip that turns black under the chin and reaches their neck-dent. A spider is at the end of the black line inside the neck-dent. They have a chest tattoo that says “Fluid” and several other arm and finger tattoos. Underneath their image, there is a blue circle with white text that reads, “Ignacio Rivera.” The second photograph is of Aredvi Azad. Aredvi is a genderfluid Irani-American immigrant. They have short dark brown hair. They are wearing stud earrings, a septum ring, and black framed glasses. They have a brown mole on their right cheek and have a small beard. They have a grey jacket on and are standing against a blurred background with a large house plant. Underneath their image, there is a blue circle with white text that reads, “Aredvi Azad.” On the right side there is blue and gray text that reads, “Where The Line Resides: Surviving the cycle of sexual harm w/Ignacio Rivera & Aredvi Azad. Nov. 3, 2021, 1-2:30 PM EST, Register at: heal2end.org/line.” Underneath this, there are blue and gray alternating circles. In the bottom left corner, there is black text that reads, “@heal2end.”

On Wednesday, November 3, 2021, we offered a webinar version of Where The Line Resides: Surviving The Cycle of Sexual Harm. This is the recording of the program with Closed Captions.

Have you experienced a sexual encounter you can’t quite label or categorize? Or maybe you don’t identify as a survivor of sexual violence because “it wasn’t that bad” or “they didn’t mean what they did”? Perhaps, you are wondering if you might have done harm, you want to figure it out but you’re terrified of being labeled a predator/rapist/perp? If any of these questions feel familiar or spark curiosity, join us as we discuss “the line”, navigating and shifting the sexual abuse culture, and how we can heal as survivors, harm-doers, and often both, without relying on carceral responses.

Sexy Survivor 10 Year Anniversary Webinar

Donate

Thank you for donating! You can now view the recording here. In the video description, we also have for you:

An off-white graphic with black and pink text that reads, “Surviving sexual violence takes a village. Do you have yours?.” Underneath this, there are blue and pink alternating circles. Underneath this, there are two photographs on the left side surrounded by a blue and black paint stroke. The first photograph is of Ignacio Rivera. Ignacio is a caramel skin, AFAB, gender fluid, Black-Latinx- Indigenous being. They have very short dark brown hair. They are wearing a red and black dress with a diagonal line pattern. They have red colored glasses and dark brown eyes. They have a septum piercing and nose ring on the right side. They have a tattoo on their chin, starting at the bottom of their lower lip —a red strip that turns black under the chin and reaches their neck-dent. A spider is at the end of the black line inside the neck-dent. They have a chest tattoo that says “Fluid” and several other arm and finger tattoos. Underneath their image, there is a blue circle with white text that reads, “Ignacio Rivera.” The second photograph is of Aredvi Azad. Aredvi is a genderfluid Irani-American immigrant. They have short dark brown hair. They are wearing stud earrings, a septum ring, and black framed glasses. They have a brown mole on their right cheek and have a small beard. They have a grey jacket on and are standing against a blurred background with a large house plant. Underneath their image, there is a blue circle with white text that reads, “Aredvi Azad.” On the right side there is blue, pink and gray text that reads, “Sexy Survivor, 10 Year Anniversary Webinar, w/Ignacio Rivera & Aredvi Azad, September 18, 2021, 1-3 PM EST, Recording w/Captions.” Next to “Sexy” there are 3 pink and blackstars. Underneath this, there are blue and pink alternating circles. In the bottom left corner, there is black text that reads, “@heal2end.”

On Saturday, September 18, 2021, we celebrated the 10th Anniversary of Sexy Survivor with a special Sexy Survivor webinar. Sexy Survivor welcomes survivors of CSA and sexual violence as well as partners and allies to join in supporting survivors.

All too often, sex is altered, damaged, or made complicated for survivors of sexual abuse. It takes time, patience, and trial and error to figure out what works for us. This webinar is an overview of our sexual healing modality (RASHIM), while offering resources and tools for reclaiming our sex lives. We encourage success building and future dreaming as we share stories and ideas of what has worked for sexy survivors.

No Touching! Cyber Fucking While Distancing

Recorded sessions are available on our Youtube Channel. ASL interpreters are present for all sessions.

Please make a tax-deductible donation to The HEAL Project before watching the recordings. We ask for $20/session or $60/series. If you are low-income, please donate what you can afford. Your generosity sustains our work. Thank you.

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Part One | Digital Sex; Sexting, Audio, & Video

This session is a fun introduction to the possibilities of using digital platforms for getting it on. We will discuss pros and cons of different modes of cyber communication, accessibility issues of different platforms, and how you can spice up your sexy time using features that different apps and softwares offer. We explore ways to set the mood and get hot and nasty, whether you are texting a sweetie, chatting them up on the phone, or using video calls to leave little for the imagination. Watch on Youtube.

Part One Resource Package

The resources below are suggestions and may contain content that The HEAL Project does not support. Please do your own research.

Legal

Sexting: Know Your rights

https://ncac.org/project/youth-free-expression-program/sexting-know-your-rights

Teen Sexting Laws in Your State (2017)

https://www.netnanny.com/blog/teen-sexting-laws-in-your-state/

The Bark Blog for the Connected Family

https://www.bark.us/blog/state-by-state-differences-in-sexting-laws/

General Reading

Five ways to have great phone sex

https://www.grindrbloop.com/zine/2019/7/1/phone-sex?fbclid=IwAR0pXlvnOoTEihNaX619GtztZ1AlK9Vge_mOaDdO4knQyxhD4BxezzCI84Q

Sex in the Time of Coronavirus and Social Distancing

https://www.thebody.com/article/sex-coronavirus

Communication Apps

Click on the links for more information about each app.

App	Mode	Privacy	Security	Group	Desktop	Sticker/Emoji	Notes
Kik	text only	best	poor	great	no	poor	Best for privacy
Snapchat	text/audio/video	good	ok	good	no	great	Bitmoji integration
Signal	text/audio/video	#required	best	ok	yes	poor	Best for security
Whatsapp	text/audio/video	#required	poor	ok	yes	good	Popular
Telegram	text/audio	great	good	good	yes	great	Best for stickers

Apps for finding (Cyber) Companionship

Tinder

Very popular; all genders and sexualities; minimal profiles.

Grindr

Popular among queer men and trans folks; good for casual.

OKC

Popular among poly/trans/queer folks; extensive profiles; match percentage.

Hinge

All genders and sexulities; semi-extensive profiles; good for dating.

Feeld

Popular among couples/bi folks/kinksters; glitchy; good for threesomes.

Bumble

All genders & sexualities; BFF option for platonic connection.

Fetlife

Hub for kinksters; good for finding groups and events.

Lex

For queer/trans/GNC folks; good for making connections that start with a personal ad and no pictures.

Movie Suggestions

Closer (2004)

The relationships of two couples become complicated and deceitful when the man from one couple meets the woman of the other.

Yes, God, Yes (Short as well as featuring releasing 2020)

After an innocent AOL chat turns racy, a Catholic teenager in the early 00s discovers masturbating and struggles to suppress her new urges in the face of eternal damnation.

Textual Relationship (2015 Short)

When everyone you know is at the touch of a button, who can you really connect with? A short comedy on sexting.

Bent (1997)

In 1930s Berlin, a gay Jew is sent to a concentration camp under the Nazi regime. The film mentions exploring sexuality when touching isn’t possible.

Wired for Sex (2003 Documentary Series)

This 13-half-hour documentary series examines how technology is shaping nearly every aspect of contemporary sexuality.

Part Two | From Love Letters to Digital Smut

There is so much that goes on between love and smut. We take a historic look at love letters as the earliest form of expression of affection and desire, and discuss ways to bring back this lost art, or spice it up with modern technology, crafts, and creative eroticism. In the age of easy access to all things smutty, we talk about the role of smut and porn in adding extra hotness to cyber fucking. In the spectrum of romantic love to dirty smut, where do you see your desire thrive? Watch on Youtube.

Part Two Resource Package

The resources below are suggestions and may contain content that The HEAL Project does not support. Please do your own research.

General

Forbidden love: The WW2 letters between two men (Article)

Letters from Langston: From the Harlem Renaissance to the Red Scare and Beyond (Article)

Why don’t we write love letters anymore? (Article)

A Latino’s Love Letter (Soundcloud)

A Thing That Wants Virginia (Love Letters of Vita Sackville-West & Virginia Woolf)

Porn, sex, and insecurity (Youtube Video)

What Porn Stars Want You to Know (Youtube Playlist)

The Butterfly Effect, Who Really Pays The Price For Free Porn (Audible)

Erotica Resources

Porn Resource

Music

Book Suggestions

Movie Suggestions

Love Letter (1995)

A Japanese film about two women exchanging letters that leads to new discoveries about themselves and a man they knew.

You’ve Got Mail (1998)

Two business rivals who despise each other in real life unwittingly fall in love over the Internet.

Shortbus (2006)

A group of New Yorkers caught up in their romantic-sexual milieu converge at an underground salon infamous for its blend of art, music, politics, and carnality.

Part Three | Anonymity, Digital Roleplay, & Fantasy

Let’s explore the realm of fantasy, roleplay, and the possibilities of cyber connection from anonymous partners to familiar lovers. We discuss how curiosity and desire manifest through our imagination, and how we can explore some of our fantasies in real life, or augment our realities with fantastical thoughts, props, and costumes. As we shelter in place and rely on our devices to find new connections, join us for a frank conversation about safety, trust, and the potential of anonymous fucking. Watch on Youtube.

Part Three Resource Package

The resources below are suggestions and may contain content that The HEAL Project does not support. Please do your own research.

General

Music

Trey Songz - Role Play (2007)
My Darkest Days - Casual Sex
GAH - Sexual Fantasy (2010)

Book Suggestions

Costumes & Props

bad-dragon.com
For costumes check out cosplay websites, wig & hat shops, and lingerie stores

Movie Suggestions

Belladonna of Sadness (1973)

An evil feudal lord rapes a village girl on her wedding night and proceeds to ruin her and her husband's lives. After she's eventually banished from her village, the girl makes a pact with the devil to gain magical ability and take revenge.

Intimacy (2001)

A film about a woman and a man who meet every Wednesday to have anonymous sex. They don’t know each other's names and they don’t even speak but something ignites in them.

Eyes Wide Shut (1999)

A New York City doctor embarks on a harrowing, night-long odyssey of sexual and moral discovery after his wife reveals a painful secret to him.

Don Jon (2003)

A New Jersey guy dedicated to his family, friends, and church, develops unrealistic expectations from watching porn and works to find happiness and intimacy with his potential true love.

Cashback (2006)

After a painful breakup, Ben develops insomnia. To kill time, he starts working the late night shift at the local supermarket, where his artistic imagination runs wild.

Fantasm (1976)

Jurgen Noetafreud is a professor of the psyche of human sexuality, who introduces 10 short segments from his case studies of the most common female sexual fantasies.

Lust, and Caution (2007)

During World War II a secret agent (Tang Wei) must seduce, then assassinate an official (Tony Leung Chiu Wai) who works for the Japanese puppet government in Shanghai. Her mission becomes clouded when she finds herself falling in love with the man she is assigned to kill.

Ignacio’s Role-play Exercises

Big, Bigger, BIGGEST! : Run it once while overacting the role as much as you can. Many people worry about being too silly or ridiculous or loud, & this is an excuse to do just that in a way that isn’t “screwing up" or taking yourself too seriously. Feel free to laugh out loud, stomp your feet, & shout out the hesitation. Once you’ve overdone it, just doing it on a smaller level seems not so silly.

Observation: Observe a complete stranger for a few minutes. Describe his or her behavior. Are they sitting, standing, walking? Who do you think they are? How are they feeling? What are they doing? Reading a book, waiting for someone, having a conversation? (Note: Don't let them notice you. It will ruin the exercise.)

Close your eyes & think about “The Magic If”: Originally created by Konstantin Stanislavski, “The Magic If,” is a visualization tool that simply tells the actor to think "if I were in this situation, how would i act?" Take time before the scene to consider: how would I feel? What would the room look/smell/taste like? Where would I be? What would I hear? What would my past in this situation be? Once you've built the scene in your head, you can be truly in it when you play.

Experience the motions: Practice what you will actually be doing. If you’re going to be making a cup of tea, actually practice making a cup of tea. If possible, study someone else who was in the role you’re going to play (in real life, video, journal, online, etc.). Then you can draw from genuine experiences of muscle memory & first/second-hand emotions.

Research: Research your character's life. Down to the last detail. How old are they? What do they do for money? Where do they live? What color fingernail polish do they wear? Are their parents alive? If not, what happened? Write everything down. Be specific.

Create a RolePlay journal: Dedicate a journal to your roleplay journey! Here is where you can keep your character information in order. Add details. Nothing is too small. Journal about who your character interacts with and what their demeanor is. It can really help you hone in on your roleplay persona.

Write letters to each other as your character: In person interaction works for many but some prefer--and while in quarantine--writing letters to go deeper into character. Consider writing letters, in character, to one another. This will allow you to speak directly from that perspective as opposed to writing notes as in journaling. What will you uncover about yourself?

Create an association with a reacquiring character: This is a helpful tool to keep characters in order and to help our lovers, fuckbuddies and partners know who we are when we “pop-in” for some fun. An item like a stuffed animal being picked up could be a pre-arranged indicator that you are not in “little-girl” character, without having to say anything. It could be a look, putting on a particular pair of glasses, saying a word or sitting in a particular place. You can create the start and the end of a scene without words and without using a safeword, if it isn’t needed.

Part Four | Virtual Power Play in the Age of Digital Sex

We tap into a time when the internet brought possibility, wonder and also fear. Virtual kink was the answer for many in the closet unable to venture out to experience. Today, BDSM, kink and the like are more accessible and less taboo. We’re doing it in dungeons at parties and at camp. While in quarantine we find ourselves back on our computers—kneeling or standing— digging into our power play creativity bags, ready for the adventure. Whether you’re a pro or a newbie, join us as we recall and reimagine Virtual Power Play in the time of COVID/19. Watch on Youtube.

Part Four Resource Package

The resources below are suggestions and may contain content that The HEAL Project does not support. Please do your own research.

General

Book Suggestions

The Ritual of Dominance & Submission: A Guide to High Protocol Dominance & Submission
BDSM Primer - A Woman's Guide to BDSM - Fetishes, Roles, Rituals, Protocols, Safety, & More (Women's Guide to BDSM Book 1)
Protocol (by Ariana Wolf)
The Leatherman's Protocol Handbook: A Handbook on Old Guard Rituals, Traditions and Protocols (by John D Weal)
BDSM Mastery - Basics: your guide to play, parties, and scene protocols (by Robert J. Rubel and M. Jen Fairfield)
Playing Well with Others: Your Field Guide to Discovering, Exploring and Navigating the Kink, Leather and BDSM Communities (by Lee Harrington and Mollena Williams)
The New Bottoming Book (by Janet W. Hardy and Dossie Easton)
The New Topping Book (by Janet W. Hardy and Dossie Easton)
Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns: The Romance and Sexual Sorcery of Sadomasochism (by Philip Miller and Molly Devon)
Submissive Training: Be Sexually Vulnerable, Explore Your Fantasies and Transform Your Sex Life With Spectacular Experiences

Movie Suggestions

9.5 Weeks (1986)

A woman becomes involved with a man she barely knows. Complications develop during their sexual escapades.

Secretary (2002)

A young woman, recently released from a mental hospital, gets a job as a secretary to a demanding lawyer, where their employer-employee relationship turns into a sexual, sadomasochistic one.

Maîtresse (1976)

A common thief breaks into the house of a professional dominatrix, and begins to help her "train" her clients.

A Dangerous Method (2011)

A look at how the intense relationship between Carl Jung and Sigmund Freud gives birth to psychoanalysis.

Professor Marston and the Wonder Women (2017)

The story of psychologist William Moulton Marston, and his polyamorous relationship with his wife and their mistress who would inspire his creation of the superheroine, Wonder Woman.

Ignacio’s Guide to BDSM Toys

When choosing a flogger, paddle, cane or riding crop, you should test it out on yourself. Striking the forearm is a good way to test intensity level.

Areas on the body that can be flogged, paddled, caned and bonged are the buttocks, inner thighs, upper back, chest, shoulders and calves. Never strike the kidneys, spine or lower back. The fleshier the area the better.

Floggers can sting something wonderful. It can leave heavy to no welts depending on the intensity of the flogging. If not used properly the lashes from the flogger can wrap around the receiver of the flogging and can cause an uncomfortable pain.

Floggers come in different sizes. Longer floggers are for a stronger contact. It is best used in areas that have lots of space for swinging. Smaller floggers are great for the smaller apartments. It still gives you the power you need but more compact. Floggers are also made of different materials such as cowhide, deer hide and rubber.

Paddles can leave a much deeper bruise than the surface welts of a flogger. The thicker the paddle the more area it will cover on the body so be careful with danger zones.

Paddles are much sturdier and can be made from leather, rubber, patent leather as well as other materials. Note that rubber paddles are very heavy. Paddles should probably not be used by individuals just starting to explore.

Riding Crops have a more concentrated sting. They are smaller than paddles but still powerful. Riding Crops are great for paying attention to smaller areas like the testicles and clitoris, but be careful and listen to safe words.

Nipple Clamps are also a concentrated pain/sensation. The flow of blood stops at the clamped area and can feel amazing. Adjustable clamps are great to start off with such as the Tweezers or Crocodile clamps. Clover clamps are non-adjustable clamps for those who can take more. To achieve heightened stimulation you can release the clamps at the point of orgasm. The feeling of blood rushing back to the area coupled with orgasm can be wonderfully intense.

A good way to test which clamps are good for you is to clamp them on the skin between your pointer and thumb.

Collars are used in claiming or displaying your submissive. Collars come in various sizes, color and materials. Most collars have rings at the front to attach leashes or chains. Collars are great to use in role play and fantasy scenarios.

Blindfolds are great for heightening sensation and or sexual play. It gives the dominant the element of surprise and submissive an added pleasure of unknowing.

Cuffs can be leather, metal, silky and fuzzy. They can have buckles, Velcro or locks. Great starter cuffs are the Fuzzy Cuffs.

Cuffs are used for bondage and dominance. The dominant is in full control as the submissive consensually accepts being controlled. While cuffed, submissives can be made to feel different sensations like with Feathers and or Pinwheels. Dominants should always remember to make sure cuffs are not cutting off circulation. Placing a finger or two in between the cuff and the wrist of the submissive is a good way to gage tightness. Metal or “police” cuffs are not recommended.

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