“Dear Ignacio, in my browser history, I saw that my daughter and god son have been watching porn. They’re teens. I am a survivor of childhood sexual abuse and trying not to freak out. How do I handle this? Help.”
First, take a deep breath. You are ok. Your child is ok. You got this. OK?! I would say not to wait to talk about this. Your daughter and god son are searching for answers. They are curious. As a #survivor, your brain may be in mayhem due to #trauma and fear. Do what you need to do to first calm your brain down, and then focus.
Your child felt more comfortable hiding and sneaking to look at #porn rather than asking you about sex. Let’s find out why. There is no need to get angry or worried. We just want to know what got them there. What is the underlying #curiosity or question here? Were they coerced? Did they stumble upon it? An open conversation with them can help determine where you go next.
When talking to them about porn, be sure to mention that porn is based on #fantasy, not reality. Compare porn to movies using stunt people, body doubles, and the like. We don't want children picking up ideas about how to treat one another from the fantasy, #role-play, and performances of #pornography models. Similarly, we teach them that they shouldn’t try to pull a stunt that they see an actor do in a movie. When they learn more about what real sex and sexuality looks like, they are less prone to adopting these fantaises as ‘the way sex should be.’ Providing them with age-appropriate and credible resources that can satisfy their curiosity about bodies and sex helps them not rely on pornography for education. I also suggest you share stories of your youth and your own curiosities at that age. Be #vulnerable, humanize you.