Tuesday Q&A (page 3)

Tuesday Q&A

Every Tuesday, Ignacio answers questions about handling the challenging moments of survivorship, healing, and child rearing in a culture of shame and secrecy around sexual violence. Ignacio emphasizes relationship building with children as the foundation of holistic sexuality education, and encourages caregivers to prioritize trust and vulnerability.

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My teenage son is on Grindr.

By #heal2end | March 31, 2020
Donate “Dear Ignacio, The current shelter in place mandate has got all my kids spending most of their time on their phones, especially my eldest. I caught a glimpse of my son’s phone and saw that he had Grindr installed. I know Grindr is a dating app for gay men, so I asked him about it and he said it was nothing and that his friends had installed it as a joke. Is my son gay and hiding it? What if he is talking to older men there? He’s only 17.”   The pandemic, social distancing, and its health and…

My child is experimenting with a boy.

By #heal2end | March 3, 2020
Donate “Dear Ignacio, I was in my 13 year old daughter’s room and took a peek at her #journal. I know I shouldn’t have, but I read that she is #experimenting with a boy from school. I haven’t confronted her yet, because I don’t want her to know that I read her journal. But I also can’t just do nothing. Please help!” The first matter here is that you have disrespected your daughter’s right to #privacy. You are human and we all make mistakes. Parent’s curiosity about their children’s lives and well-being can sometimes take over their better #judgment. The…

My 5-yo is affectionate with strangers.

By #heal2end | February 25, 2020
Donate “Dear Ignacio, My 5-year-old boy is a #curious loving child. When we go out, he often goes up to #strangers chatting them up and touching them or sitting on their lap. I like that he is #affectionate, but sometimes I worry about his safety. What do you suggest?” These days, we commonly hear about not making children hug others, kiss them, or sit on their lap. But, what do we do with a child who willingly wants to touch others? Affirming the #agency of our children is a noble goal, however, when they are seeking to involve others, they…

My teenager is watching porn.

By #heal2end | February 18, 2020
Donate “Dear Ignacio, in my browser history, I saw that my daughter and god son have been watching porn. They’re teens. I am a survivor of childhood sexual abuse and trying not to freak out. How do I handle this? Help.” First, take a deep breath. You are ok. Your child is ok. You got this. OK?! I would say not to wait to talk about this. Your daughter and god son are searching for answers. They are curious. As a #survivor, your brain may be in mayhem due to #trauma and fear. Do what you need to do to…

My child is humping her toys.

By #heal2end | February 11, 2020
Donate “Dear Ignacio, I’ve caught my 6-year-old humping her toys a couple of times. I’m worried she might do it in front of other people. How do I tell her to stop?” I hear you and appreciate your concern about #privacy. The language we use when talking about children’s behavior informs us of our own relationship with a topic. I noticed you said you “caught” her, as if she had been doing something abnormal; something she wasn’t supposed to be doing. I suggest reframing it as having “noticed,” “stumbled upon,” or “found” her #humping her toys. When we fear something,…

The right age to talk about sex.

By #heal2end | February 4, 2020
Donate “Dear Ignacio, what age is the right age to let my kids know how sex works?” No matter what the #sexuality topic, it is normal for #parents to be worried that they are speaking to their little ones too soon. There are suggested age grids as a guideline for parents, but most importantly, if you have been working on building a strong connection with your child, you know the level of their readiness better than anyone. In knowing them, understanding them, we get a sense of what they can handle, and what they feel better equipped to inquire on…

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